Okay, first of all, its important to know that this blog isn't a cry for attention or an attempt to create a book etc. For the last few years, my thoughts have turned into chaotic ramblings that cloud every avenue of my mind. Speaking metaphorically, its as if i'm standing in the middle of a busy street in New York City. I'm standing on the road, and the cars are beeping their horns, speeding past me angrily and viciously. So, i run to the footpath for some clarity, only to find people hustling past me, talking on cell phones and robbing me of every moments peace i have left. Well, those cars and those people are my thoughts. Vicious, angry and ever so dominating.
So, the goal of this blog is to (hopefully) allow me to achieve peace of mind as well as clarity of my life and where i'm headed. If i happen to show a few of you that you aren't alone, there are other insane women out there with obsessive compulsive issues, broken hearts, love for music, love for art, lack of direction...Then i'll be happy.
It should be known now, that i tend to delve very deep when i start writing. Some of the things i say will sound absolutely pathetic, some noble, and some will show how truly self-conscious i can be. I can however make a promise that i will always be completely honest about myself and about how i feel. Whats the point in starting one of these things if you're going to lie about who you are (like so many people i know do and it drives me insane). People start these blogs to show their ideal self, to say that they love seeing all the beauty in the world bla bla bla. My blogs won't be me, crapping on about how i love my life etc. Why? because i don't love my life. I want more than meteocrity, more than an ordinary sense of self.
I absolutely live for my music. It is a HUGE part of who I am and has saved me from having a complete meltdown on many occasions. Throughout my writing i will drop in songs of the week that have helped me through certain situations.. sort of like musical literature.
It's time to now undergo my search of self, and ultimately, search for the secret that everyones trying to find out... how can we achieve a permanent feeling of euphoria? i've got some ideas.
